| hello!!! |
[05 Oct 2009|05:58pm] |
“Confess to yourself in the deepest hour of the night whether you would have to die if you were forbidden to write. Dig deep into your heart, where the answer spreads its roots in your being, and ask yourself solemnly, Must I write?”
i miss and love you all. hope you are doing well. my life has changed for the better... met some beautiful people, have surely grown and learned a lot in the past couple months. been working diligently at recovery. can only continue on my road to happiness. how are you all?
|
|
|
[12 Jul 2009|02:30pm] |
|
i love callifornia!!! san francisoco is awesome--la,santa cruz. fresno, bakersfield, anaheim,oakland,and vegas. nice trip. wanna move there someday. looove it!!
|
|
| hey everyone! |
[04 Jun 2009|07:00pm] |
what i lookedlike today:
how are you live journal world? i'm busy getting my work out on-plus planning on taking some yoga. Revolutionary road is a good movie-waiting for coraline to come out!
|
|
|
[19 Apr 2009|11:11am] |
everyone add me on Twiiter if you have one:
http://twitter.com/Aly477
so far i have oprah, shaq(omg at his), chris cornell, and a fake angelina on there.
Marley fest today!! how is everyone??? hope all is GREAT for you!
|
|
| i'm ready for a real change. |
[11 Feb 2009|12:11pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 determined |
] |
I need to have goals. i need to get my head out of my ass. it's at least half way out. I g guess this is what you would call growing. ambition. i look around, and people have passion, people are excited about things, they are excited about the present, towards the future. i want to be like them. I was so clouded before, but i don't think i am that "girl interrupted" anymore. i'm so tired of being that cliche. i think i am getting it now, what life is all about. but i need to live it now. one thing that therapy helped me with was recognizing what my problems were. that was really helpful. now i need to execute the tools i learned and really just start living. but i can't let go of my dreams. for a second i did, because the faults that were thrown at me were unbearable at one point. the "imperfections" that were pointed towards me were so hurtful i almost ran away like i always do. but i didn't realize that without learning what your faults are, YOU WILL NEVER GROW. i am not perfect. no one is. I DON'T CARE. i don't give a shit any more. it is my depression who cares, it is the eating disorder who cares, it is the past. i can't let go of hope. because without hope i have nothing.
|
|
|
[29 Dec 2008|10:29pm] |
topic: family and love.
i think for the most part, all my life i felt somewhat unloved.i felt this way for whatever reason, but that all too familiar feeling is not one i care for anymore, it's old news. i think it's what i told to myself, like a broken record. that is somewhat ironic, since love surrounded me everywhere. throughout this year finally starting to see how profound and compassionate my family is, and how truly they care for me. Family is truly an amazing existence. when you try to look for an outside source of love, what is the point? their love is eternal, compassionate, and real. it will always be their "through thick and thin"-even if you don't see it, choose to shut it out, even if you make the worst mistakes, you can always knock on family's door- and it will come running to you in the most warm endearing form possible, like that warm feeling you get inside your stomach when you get a valentine card from a crush you get in your deepest dreams.One of family's purpose: to recognize their relatives potential. They do not give up on you, their relationship is fierce and strong, like a loyal tiger. This is what i have always admired in my family. A close unit.This to me means everything-even when you have flaws, they will pick you back up-and still love you. love scares the hell out of me because all my life i told myself it was for everyone else but me, although now that i see i can too have it, life is worth the hard, long road. life to me is beautiful because of love,our need for it, and the mere existence of it at all.
everyone deserves love, not just me-you as well, my friend.
Learning is one of my favorite topics. i live and breathe to learn. i think that is why i am still in school, i like to hear what anyone has to teach me, my teachers, my family, my brother, hell--even a bum. many people to me are intelligent. life makes one that way.
My new years resolutions this year: well i have many but the important ones are just to keep learning, and keep loving.
|
|
| uhmm why am i having expensive taste these days |
[08 Oct 2008|11:07pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 enthralled |
] |
Christmas and my birthday are around the corner... it's been a long year. i think i need something to spoil me a bit. Just sayin... ;)
Spring 2008 # 12 Chanel
<
"Also out now are Rose Satin, a pure pink, White Satin, a lustrous white, and Azur, a light sparkling blue."
haha i love the description, it sounds like it came out of a novel.
she's beautiful. i love her face and her makeup o m g must visit dillard's makeup counter so fast.
I still have the Jadore Christan Dior perfume my mom gave me last christmas. i only use it on weekends, haha. gotta save that shit, can't waste it... i hope to get that Chanel number 5 this year, maybe just ... maybe. i love the perfume bottles they come in. surprisingly, that's one thing i know how to save. that's a good way to start learning. got the tough part of my week out of the way, one more class left and i'm done.
|
|
|
[20 Sep 2008|01:36pm] |
you know what i have figured out? the world if full of ugly, cruel people. what happend to the warmth? what happened to love? i guess people just take what they want, without regard of others. it's fucking sick. where are all the sweet, caring, NICE people any more? is that so tough? i guess so. i guess i can't understand that though, because it's just in my nature to be keenly sensitive to other's feelings. it's like that morissey song--
"It's so easy to laugh
it's so easy to hate
it takes guts to be gentle and kind"
i guess i can't understand that though, because it's just in my nature to be keenly sensitive to other's feelings
it's over, over, over" but i'm so done with being overly nice to people if they feel like they can walk all over my. i'm not having it any more. i'm done. if you're mean, i don't want anything to do with you. you're fake, and i can see past you. right through you to you're emtpy, starving, cold little heart. i have no patience for it.
|
|
| I'M GOIN BATSHIT CRAZY WAITIN FOR THIS FUCKING MOVIE |
[08 Jul 2008|09:18pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 bouncy |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
FEIST===MY MOON, MY MAN |
] |
YOU WILL NOT COME SOON ENOUGH JULY 18TH!!!
WHAT DOES NOT KILL YOU, ONLY MAKES YOU STRANGER
AND I CAN'T SEE IT OPENING NIGHT AT IMAX, BECAUSE I'LL BE DOING TEXAS STATE ORIENTATION IN SAN MARCOS, :(((( THAT'S RIGHT!!! I'M GOING TO A BIG SCHOOL NOW, I'M A GOOD UNIVERSITY GIRLLLLL.. IT IS ALL GOOD, WE GOT TICKETS JUST A DAY LATER SATURDAY NIGHT !!!! IMAX BABY!!! BULLOCK THEATRE ! !! MY INSIDES ARE SCREAMIN!!!! WTFFF SOOO EXCITED...
|
|
| now you are gone |
[13 Feb 2008|12:30pm] |
i loved him with a scorching fire
that felt almost painful with a blazing arrow
that cast its fate in my eye
i welcomed its spear in my heart and it darkened my days;
when he left i realized i had
loved him with a thousand moons
ever sun, ever vine, ever quartz: the compenents of the earth from which you are composed
my heart was in danger, his aroma was too deep
i was trapped from the hidden scent in my skin
his eyes caught me like a wild fire
now you are gone;
as gone as the yesterday's yellow moon from my vision; yet
i hope you have not lost your subtle skin, your humble laugh
for the world would lose it's leaves, it's spacious sky.
|
|
| For Him |
[27 Jan 2008|01:36pm] |
Flowers for Heath
The roses cry your name
as i feel you swim through the night's wind
that roars mercilessly through the sky
which stole you from us
and threw you in the earths aura
guiding you to the east end's sun
where your heart was born, all the colors golden in your return
this is where you always belonged, you were a gift for a brief moment
"come back up" the clouds yelled;endlessly,gracefully, painfully as you walked the soil down here, the fading shades of azure reflect their pain
only the thoughts which we cannot perceive
embrace the secret of you
words fail the night's message, where your voice lives and creates the sounds hidden deep among the stars
you were too beautiful for us
you were too beautiful
and the roses only cry for you.
|
|
|
[22 Jan 2008|05:02pm] |
Heath Ledger? Gone?
i can't stop crying
|
|
| This time, i smell the roses |
[10 Jan 2008|01:54pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 optimistic |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
tori-past the mission |
] |
i'm getting help. finally. i've wanted this my whole life. The best part is, after countless times of being offered help, i am accepting it.
Tori Amos - Past The Mission Lyrics
I don't believe I went too far
I said I was willing,..willing, willing, willing.....
She said she knew what my books did not
I thought she knew what's up
Past the mission
Behind the prison tower
Past the mission
I once knew a hot girl
Past the mission
They're closing every hour
Past the mission
I smell the roses
She said they all think they know him
Well she knew him better
Everyone wanted something from him
I did too but I shut my mouth
He just gave me a smile
Hey they found a body
Not sure it was his but they're using his name
And she gave him shelter
And somewhere I know she knows
Somethings only she knows
Past the mission
And I smell the roses
Past the mission
And I smell the roses
|
|
|
[07 Jan 2008|06:17pm] |
anxiety attacks are the worst thing i have ever experienced in my life
i feel normal today
weird
|
|
|
[30 Oct 2007|06:19pm] |
|
My thoughts just don't make any sense to me now it seems. Where do i find meaning when all i feel is the pain? i know what the problem is and one day it will be resolved; just not this second, this minute, this hour, this moment. the worst thing about being insane is being completely aware of it yet having no motive to fix it. i'm gonna grow a penis now. so i won't be a damaged little girl any more. i want to start writing in here again...
|
|
|
[13 Apr 2007|07:15pm] |
|
maybe this is why i chose to keep certain people at a distance, they don't know what they have in front of them-- they are missing out on what is really there. we all know the smog that blurs one's vision is selfishness. stop being hurtful and ignorant, it only keeps you in a ditch and if you dig yourself deep enough someday not even you can dig yourself out of it. go for it-test the waters you make for yourself and see if i'll be on the other end waiting. i've had enough experience myself to learn that not all people deserve help each time, karma wants to show itself in conscious shades of reality. its daughter is waiting on your door step reminding you of your past crimes-making you slip into the puddle of shit that lies before it that you tossed around so shameless, without sound and without love.
|
|
|
[10 Apr 2007|12:54pm] |
|
OMG IM GOING TO SEE CHRIS CORNELL AT STUBBS ON APRIL 29TH, 2007 I CAN BARELY TYPE. FUCK YEAH FUCK YEAH FUYCK YEAH FUCK YEAH
|
|
|
[09 Apr 2007|04:41pm] |
so i was talking to my mom earlier and she was telling my how she knows im justnot happy in school and to do what i've wanted to do all along.
( click )
|
|
| navigation |
| [ |
viewing |
| |
most recent entries |
] |
| [ |
go |
| |
earlier |
] |
|
|
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
watchmefallaway's journal