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[19 Dec 2009|04:08pm]
There is a lot of love in giving and i dont think i could have gotten this far if i did not learn the value of genuine love, and the true meaning in what life is all about. I am seeing life in a new way, and what it means to be part of the world, of what it means to be human. My feelings use to scare me, i use to run away from all my problems-but now i handle them with honor and even though nothing is easy, i actually deal with things. Anger is the same way it use to feel but this time i handle it maturely and i don't keep it bottled in, i communicate and i;m not afraid to socialize with people. i use to cherish being a loner, of being all by myself. i hadn't realized how bitter i was until i came out of my pathetic disease and looked back out how lonely and isolated i actually was. i'm ready to move forward and even though i do get scared at times, i'm going to do it with all the courage i have, because that is the true meaning of courage-being scared to death of going after something and still having the will to do it. Happy Holidays! Spread the Love!!
2 loverslipstick your name across my mirror

hello!!! [05 Oct 2009|05:58pm]
“Confess to yourself in the deepest hour of the night whether you would have to die if you were forbidden to write. Dig deep into your heart, where the answer spreads its roots in your being, and ask yourself solemnly, Must I write?”

i miss and love you all. hope you are doing well. my life has changed for the better... met some beautiful people, have surely grown and learned a lot in the past couple months. been working diligently at recovery. can only continue on my road to happiness. how are you all?
3 loverslipstick your name across my mirror

[12 Jul 2009|02:30pm]
i love callifornia!!! san francisoco is awesome--la,santa cruz. fresno, bakersfield, anaheim,oakland,and vegas. nice trip. wanna move there someday. looove it!!
lipstick your name across my mirror

hey everyone! [04 Jun 2009|07:00pm]
what i lookedlike today:

how are you live journal world? i'm busy getting my work out on-plus planning on taking some yoga. Revolutionary road is a good movie-waiting for coraline to come out!
1 loverlipstick your name across my mirror

[19 Apr 2009|11:11am]
everyone add me on Twiiter if you have one:
so far i have oprah, shaq(omg at his), chris cornell, and a fake angelina on there.
Marley fest today!! how is everyone??? hope all is GREAT for you!
3 loverslipstick your name across my mirror

i'm ready for a real change. [11 Feb 2009|12:11pm]
[ mood | determined ]

I need to have goals. i need to get my head out of my ass. it's at least half way out. I g guess this is what you would call growing. ambition. i look around, and people have passion, people are excited about things, they are excited about the present, towards the future. i want to be like them. I was so clouded before, but i don't think i am that "girl interrupted" anymore. i'm so tired of being that cliche. i think i am getting it now, what life is all about. but i need to live it now. one thing that therapy helped me with was recognizing what my problems were. that was really helpful. now i need to execute the tools i learned and really just start living. but i can't let go of my dreams. for a second i did, because the faults that were thrown at me were unbearable at one point. the "imperfections" that were pointed towards me were so hurtful i almost ran away like i always do. but i didn't realize that without learning what your faults are, YOU WILL NEVER GROW. i am not perfect. no one is. I DON'T CARE. i don't give a shit any more. it is my depression who cares, it is the eating disorder who cares, it is the past. i can't let go of hope. because without hope i have nothing.

lipstick your name across my mirror

[29 Dec 2008|10:29pm]
topic: family and love.
i think for the most part, all my life i felt somewhat unloved.i felt this way for whatever reason, but that all too familiar feeling is not one i care for anymore, it's old news. i think it's what i told to myself, like a broken record. that is somewhat ironic, since love surrounded me everywhere. throughout this year finally starting to see how profound and compassionate my family is, and how truly they care for me. Family is truly an amazing existence. when you try to look for an outside source of love, what is the point? their love is eternal, compassionate, and real. it will always be their "through thick and thin"-even if you don't see it, choose to shut it out, even if you make the worst mistakes, you can always knock on family's door- and it will come running to you in the most warm endearing form possible, like that warm feeling you get inside your stomach when you get a valentine card from a crush you get in your deepest dreams.One of family's purpose: to recognize their relatives potential. They do not give up on you, their relationship is fierce and strong, like a loyal tiger. This is what i have always admired in my family. A close unit.This to me means everything-even when you have flaws, they will pick you back up-and still love you. love scares the hell out of me because all my life i told myself it was for everyone else but me, although now that i see i can too have it, life is worth the hard, long road. life to me is beautiful because of love,our need for it, and the mere existence of it at all.
everyone deserves love, not just me-you as well, my friend.

Learning is one of my favorite topics. i live and breathe to learn. i think that is why i am still in school, i like to hear what anyone has to teach me, my teachers, my family, my brother, hell--even a bum. many people to me are intelligent. life makes one that way.

My new years resolutions this year: well i have many but the important ones are just to keep learning, and keep loving.
lipstick your name across my mirror

uhmm why am i having expensive taste these days [08 Oct 2008|11:07pm]
[ mood | enthralled ]

Christmas and my birthday are around the corner... it's been a long year. i think i need something to spoil me a bit. Just sayin... ;)
Spring 2008 # 12 Chanel


"Also out now are Rose Satin, a pure pink, White Satin, a lustrous white, and Azur, a light sparkling blue."
haha i love the description, it sounds like it came out of a novel.

she's beautiful. i love her face and her makeup o m g must visit dillard's makeup counter so fast.
I still have the Jadore Christan Dior perfume my mom gave me last christmas. i only use it on weekends, haha. gotta save that shit, can't waste it... i hope to get that Chanel number 5 this year, maybe just ... maybe. i love the perfume bottles they come in. surprisingly, that's one thing i know how to save. that's a good way to start learning. got the tough part of my week out of the way, one more class left and i'm done.

3 loverslipstick your name across my mirror

[20 Sep 2008|01:36pm]
you know what i have figured out? the world if full of ugly, cruel people. what happend to the warmth? what happened to love? i guess people just take what they want, without regard of others. it's fucking sick. where are all the sweet, caring, NICE people any more? is that so tough? i guess so. i guess i can't understand that though, because it's just in my nature to be keenly sensitive to other's feelings. it's like that morissey song--
"It's so easy to laugh
it's so easy to hate
it takes guts to be gentle and kind"
i guess i can't understand that though, because it's just in my nature to be keenly sensitive to other's feelings
it's over, over, over" but i'm so done with being overly nice to people if they feel like they can walk all over my. i'm not having it any more. i'm done. if you're mean, i don't want anything to do with you. you're fake, and i can see past you. right through you to you're emtpy, starving, cold little heart. i have no patience for it.
5 loverslipstick your name across my mirror

[ mood | bouncy ]




1 loverlipstick your name across my mirror

now you are gone [13 Feb 2008|12:30pm]
i loved him with a scorching fire
that felt almost painful with a blazing arrow
that cast its fate in my eye
i welcomed its spear in my heart and it darkened my days;
when he left i realized i had
loved him with a thousand moons
ever sun, ever vine, ever quartz: the compenents of the earth from which you are composed
my heart was in danger, his aroma was too deep
i was trapped from the hidden scent in my skin
his eyes caught me like a wild fire
now you are gone;
as gone as the yesterday's yellow moon from my vision; yet
i hope you have not lost your subtle skin, your humble laugh
for the world would lose it's leaves, it's spacious sky.
lipstick your name across my mirror

For Him [27 Jan 2008|01:36pm]

Flowers for Heath

The roses cry your name
as i feel you swim through the night's wind
that roars mercilessly through the sky
which stole you from us
and threw you in the earths aura

guiding you to the east end's sun
where your heart was born, all the colors golden in your return
this is where you always belonged, you were a gift for a brief moment
"come back up" the clouds yelled;endlessly,gracefully, painfully as you walked the soil down here, the fading shades of azure reflect their pain

only the thoughts which we cannot perceive
embrace the secret of you
words fail the night's message, where your voice lives and creates the sounds hidden deep among the stars

you were too beautiful for us
you were too beautiful
and the roses only cry for you.
lipstick your name across my mirror

[22 Jan 2008|05:02pm]
Heath Ledger? Gone?

i can't stop crying
1 loverlipstick your name across my mirror

This time, i smell the roses [10 Jan 2008|01:54pm]
[ mood | optimistic ]

i'm getting help. finally. i've wanted this my whole life. The best part is, after countless times of being offered help, i am accepting it.

Tori Amos - Past The Mission Lyrics

I don't believe I went too far
I said I was willing,..willing, willing, willing.....
She said she knew what my books did not
I thought she knew what's up

Past the mission
Behind the prison tower
Past the mission
I once knew a hot girl
Past the mission
They're closing every hour
Past the mission
I smell the roses

She said they all think they know him
Well she knew him better
Everyone wanted something from him
I did too but I shut my mouth
He just gave me a smile

Hey they found a body
Not sure it was his but they're using his name
And she gave him shelter
And somewhere I know she knows
Somethings only she knows

Past the mission
And I smell the roses
Past the mission
And I smell the roses

5 loverslipstick your name across my mirror

[07 Jan 2008|06:17pm]
anxiety attacks are the worst thing i have ever experienced in my life

i feel normal today

4 loverslipstick your name across my mirror

fun times. too much tequila=not so good for so many mexicans. lol [03 Jan 2008|04:48pm]

4 loverslipstick your name across my mirror

[30 Oct 2007|06:19pm]
My thoughts just don't make any sense to me now it seems. Where do i find meaning when all i feel is the pain? i know what the problem is and one day it will be resolved; just not this second, this minute, this hour, this moment. the worst thing about being insane is being completely aware of it yet having no motive to fix it. i'm gonna grow a penis now. so i won't be a damaged little girl any more. i want to start writing in here again...
2 loverslipstick your name across my mirror

[01 May 2007|08:07pm]

he sang it. front row. eye sex with cornell is better than the world.

time to go running.
1 loverlipstick your name across my mirror

[13 Apr 2007|07:15pm]
maybe this is why i chose to keep certain people at a distance, they don't know what they have in front of them-- they are missing out on what is really there. we all know the smog that blurs one's vision is selfishness. stop being hurtful and ignorant, it only keeps you in a ditch and if you dig yourself deep enough someday not even you can dig yourself out of it. go for it-test the waters you make for yourself and see if i'll be on the other end waiting. i've had enough experience myself to learn that not all people deserve help each time, karma wants to show itself in conscious shades of reality. its daughter is waiting on your door step reminding you of your past crimes-making you slip into the puddle of shit that lies before it that you tossed around so shameless, without sound and without love.
lipstick your name across my mirror

[10 Apr 2007|12:54pm]
2 loverslipstick your name across my mirror

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